If I thought I had mommy guilt in the past, I was crazy. This last week has been “H” “E” “double hockey sticks” in our house … well, ever since the girls came down with chicken pox, so I guess it’s been more than a week now.
Both of them are essentially over the chicken pox. Zoë’s scabs are still healing up, but overall she’s better. However, her need for mommy hasn’t ceased.
I work 4-5 hours/day on my freelance writing business, 4-5 days a week. Really, that’s not much compared to many moms.
I usually lock myself in the office and get through it. I used to be able to tell Zoë I was going to work, kiss her and hug her, and have her close the door. She understood that she couldn’t access me.
If I try to work at home now, she screams and throws herself on the ground. She bangs on the door incessantly and screams, “Mommy done working!” or “Mommy don’t work!” or “I need Mommy now!”
It breaks my heart in a million pieces.
So, I’ve been going down to Starbucks to work every day since they have free Wifi. For a while that worked without too much drama.
But now she screams from the time she wakes up (when she realizes I’ll be going to work soon), until she falls asleep for her nap. Then as soon as she wakes up from her nap, she screams until I get home. And she’s with her Daddy. It’s not like I’m dropping her off with some unknown care provider.
I just don’t know what to do. I’m at an absolute loss.
I have to work. It supports our family. But it just kills me that my little girls want me home so bad and I just can’t be.